lessons I’ve learned as a wife, mom, & missionary
Honestly, the hard part is doing all of these well at the same time. One day, I feel like the best missionary in the world, but then come home and fail as a mother and wife. The next day, I’m rocking it as a mom but neglecting every other responsibility.
My advice isn’t to “juggle it well” or “find the balance.” If you’re not doing your best in any area but appear to balance them well, you’re still not doing a good job—you’re just good at balancing the bad.
I don’t want to be a good balancer, juggler, or multitasker. I want to be a good wife, mom, and missionary. I’d rather be growing in those areas simultaneously than trying to fit them neatly into my schedule.
To start, here are some lessons I’ve learned.
No one and everyone is watching at the same time. People don’t see the ins and outs of your day, but they do see the results afterwards. The tiny disciplines and small negligences add up and people can tell what your family does at home—for the good and the bad, for the things you want people to see and the stuff you’d rather hide. Also, those young eyes are always watching and learning from you.
Grace vs. guilt. What the heck is mom guilt? Is it different from regular guilt, which I’ve always assumed is bad? Is it part of the shame/guilt duo I was taught comes from the devil...? I think it’s one of those things you shouldn’t think too much about. The only thing you really need to know about that guilt is when to stop those negative thoughts and feelings.You should know more of your worth, your place, and your identity. Focus on that. You’re an awesome mom. You’re an awesome person. Yeah, you struggle, but that doesn't make you bad. Grace gives us that Holy Spirit-filled identity. Grace gives us a clearer look at Jesus and how we can reflect Him.
No. You have to learn how to say it. You can’t do everything that’s asked of you or everything that’s unknowingly expected of you. Practically, you have to learn how to say no. Personally, you have to confront the insecurities that make it hard to say no in the first place.
You have to decide what’s best in the moment. And often, you’re making that decision on behalf of many people. Is it better to go home for nap time or go to lunch with the pastor’s family? Is it better to resolve a fight with my spouse or attend a ministry event? Is it better to answer a phone call from a disciple or distant family member, or protect my weekly Sabbath? I promise, you’ll usually have only two minutes in a stressful environment to make those decisions. My advice: It depends. Just try! Try what you can, and learn what’s best for your people. My warning: Test your heart and motives with each decision.
Seasons are ever changing. Decide to change with them quickly. What you feel guilty about, what you have to say “no” or “yes” to, and the decisions you make will all shift as your life seasons change. Ministry will grow and evolve. Your family’s needs will also grow and vary.
Be the steady rock and soft landing spot for your family. Self control and a wise and sound mind can be the saving grace for them and people around you. Think of sleepless newborn nights, or difficult, unknown ministry decisions. This is where you have to have the calming presence of the Lord on you. This is what is needed of you.
For me, Jesus time is more fluid than water. I used to envy the days with zero interruptions and unending hours to have “God time.” But honestly, I’m thankful there’s now “less” scheduled time because it pushes me to invite Him into every single second of ministering, mothering, and marriage.
